I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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