i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
