I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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