There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i think my cat just said my name.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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