Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
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They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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