i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
