im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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