why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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