I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
