i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
