Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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