Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
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