I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
