May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
