brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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