I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
