I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
