I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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