they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
