people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
