Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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