it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
