didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
