is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
