Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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