Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
