He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
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The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
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pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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