so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
4 words: hood of his car
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
