Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
