I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
