You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
