Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
