went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
