Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
