Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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