how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
