you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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