Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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