That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
