Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
