I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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