So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she told me i tasted like america
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
