That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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