just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
