Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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