***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
