During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
