remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
