Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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