he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
