wat bout pragnant strippers??
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
