He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
