Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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