I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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