i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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