On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
