I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
