We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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