so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
