Im at strip club and am horny
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
