I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
