No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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