That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
