You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
