Buhtt sex?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
sarcasm needs its own font
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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