went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
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I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
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I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Why are your pants in the freezer?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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