I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
