my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
