Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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